One of the saddest day in my life. Still e same

Richmond ar Richmond ar. After some self-reflection. I realised i am really damn ill-discipline. Always fail to get things done correctly, everything always seems so disorganised and always do things at the very last minute which always resulted in things been done half fucked and lousy.
i am someone who can never get things done on the approriate time which resulted in alot of things being screwed up.

This time rd, i can sense joey is very disappointed with my performance. I am really very sorry abt it and i certainly hope joey would understand. Recently i got too many things at hand, and for the moment i did not know how to handle so many things at one time. Frankly speaking i am feeling very stressed. I kinda lose my direction and goals. I wanted to be organised and done everything chop chop, but y is this happening to me?

I am feeling very sick today, but at the same time i was feeling very depressed and sad. This is because i felt that i had wasted so much time. i wanted to slimmed down but i failed, my darling though didn't mind, she really wanted to see mi lose weight. i was very sad that i fail to accomplish such a little little thing as well. Andy, within 2 weeks had already lost 3 kg and i am very impressed and at e same time very disappointed with myself.

i have everything yet i always to fail to get the optimum results, never in my life did i got number one. i got very supportive family. Esp my dad, mum, granny and even grandfather. And the most impt of all, i had a wonderful gf who has been at my side supporting me and encouraging me. never fail to make mi smile and always did her best as a gf. But....

This time round, i did badly for my exams, Scoring an average of 55 marks for term 1 and term 2. i am super overweight with a weight of 93 kg!!! i am very poor and has bascially no savings. Practically i am living everyday as it is. My sales are ppor and i was putting half hearted effort in insurance. Am i giving myself too much preesure abt self-achievements or am i being too lazy and can't be bothered abt life? i really dunnoe.

This time round, i am not defeated by anyone but myself. If i can't obvercome this problem. I will stuck like this for e rest of my life. I need to make and implement changes. what should i do?
Issit a test from god? issit becoz i am just plain fuck lazy and too relac one corner.

for this moment, i i really did know wat am i gonna type . Everything just rush thru my mind. Blabbering wat is going on inside my mind. I had lotsa knowledge but never once applied them. I always tok and no action. Why is this happening? I dun wan it to be like tat. I want to be somebody. Somebody weaby i can support my family and beloved brenda.

Haha, hais......omg~~!! wat is life? is life a box of chocolates? a bed of roses? game? mystery?
wat am i gonna do in order to have significant changes in my life?....

i guess i gotta plan because i never ever plan for anything. i decided to rewrite everything this round. replan my goals and dreams. this time round, i got to be practical abt my dreams and goals, it is time to show my darling some results. everything seems so far aways becoz i never care.

i decided to rewrite my organsier this time round. i will allocate my time properly and do e things stated in my timetable. I believed for so as long i followed my timetable, i am able to reap some results. For the moment, i shall plan till the end of year.

With new plans, new goals and new priorities, i can achieve what i want.

Wish me luck god~~! i love brenda, family and friends...