" So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and maning."
Adapted From Tuesdays with Morrie
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Guilt
There are several expressions of unhealthy guilt that a person may feel and i shall list the common ones and i'm sure some will ring a bell for you. Please be gentle with yourself in recognising these within yourself. It is not an invitation for you to criticise yourself and feel more guilt. Rather, it is an invitation for awareness and the connection that you must have with love and free chioce that it affords in you and in others as well. So it is in your best interest to take a look at yourselves a little bit less seriously and perhaps even with a little bit of characteristic humour.
1. One expression of unhealthy guilt is when you say, "I'm overcommitted." Taking on more than any human being can reasonalbly accomplish is a common characteristic of unhealthy guilt. We have too many projects and too much to do and not enough time. It is a cause of stress and is fed by the difficulty that we have in saying no perhaps to our own needs and to other people's expectation of us. Furthermore, over-commitment is an addiction that keeps us anaesthetised to the anxious and empty feelings that will inevitably surface if we are left alone without distractions. So over-commitment is a way for us to avoid our pain. It blocks the process of recovery for us.
2. Another expression is, "I really know how to worry." When you start worrying about even the most common of things, it is basically 'awfulising" a common event. This immediate escalation of any small event into a world class catastrophe is what we talked about when Albert Ellis called it "awfulising". the most amazing feature is that little or no objective evidence is required to come to conclusions of unprecented gloom and doom. This kind of worry is the outer projection of our innermost fear and that of our own distraction. Without the knowledge of love, fear is that remains. We can never feel safe.
3. I often wake up feeling anxious or have periods when i am anxious for days and for weeks. If we are lucky, the anxiety begins after a good night's sleep. If not, it happens in the middle of the night or wakes up early and the mental wheels start to spin. We are ruminating in the past and it starts to take on a life of its own. You start to have conversations with yourself, "If only i has done this." or "If only i didn't do that." Accompanied by worries of future uncertainties, "What if this happens? or "What if that happens?" Our anxiety often masks danger as well. After all the people that we are saving or helping or demonstrating our achievements to, begin to look like our persecutors.
4. "I'm a compulsive helper." The ranks of helping professionals, nurses and therapists and volunteers and committee chairpersons are bulging with the guilty people. In reaching out to toehrs we naturally try and give them the love that we so desperately need ourselves. So if we don't know how to love ourselves, any attempts to love others.
1. One expression of unhealthy guilt is when you say, "I'm overcommitted." Taking on more than any human being can reasonalbly accomplish is a common characteristic of unhealthy guilt. We have too many projects and too much to do and not enough time. It is a cause of stress and is fed by the difficulty that we have in saying no perhaps to our own needs and to other people's expectation of us. Furthermore, over-commitment is an addiction that keeps us anaesthetised to the anxious and empty feelings that will inevitably surface if we are left alone without distractions. So over-commitment is a way for us to avoid our pain. It blocks the process of recovery for us.
2. Another expression is, "I really know how to worry." When you start worrying about even the most common of things, it is basically 'awfulising" a common event. This immediate escalation of any small event into a world class catastrophe is what we talked about when Albert Ellis called it "awfulising". the most amazing feature is that little or no objective evidence is required to come to conclusions of unprecented gloom and doom. This kind of worry is the outer projection of our innermost fear and that of our own distraction. Without the knowledge of love, fear is that remains. We can never feel safe.
3. I often wake up feeling anxious or have periods when i am anxious for days and for weeks. If we are lucky, the anxiety begins after a good night's sleep. If not, it happens in the middle of the night or wakes up early and the mental wheels start to spin. We are ruminating in the past and it starts to take on a life of its own. You start to have conversations with yourself, "If only i has done this." or "If only i didn't do that." Accompanied by worries of future uncertainties, "What if this happens? or "What if that happens?" Our anxiety often masks danger as well. After all the people that we are saving or helping or demonstrating our achievements to, begin to look like our persecutors.
4. "I'm a compulsive helper." The ranks of helping professionals, nurses and therapists and volunteers and committee chairpersons are bulging with the guilty people. In reaching out to toehrs we naturally try and give them the love that we so desperately need ourselves. So if we don't know how to love ourselves, any attempts to love others.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Getting Off Our Buts (The incompletes)
The reason why alot of people are afraid to go past their comfort zones is that they are very risk averse. Risks can fall into a variety of categories. These are:
- Spouse or partner risk. This is sharing what you want or think or feel of your spouse or partner.
- Frendship risk which is hared feelings dealing with unresolved conflict.
- Work or career risk, seeking a promotion or changing jobs.
- Financial risk, setting up a significant retirement programme or investing in something new
- Educational risks, taking classes outside your field or even getting a degree
- Physical risks, climbing a mountain and participating in team sports
- Spiritual risks, making a spiritual commitment and attending a retreat.
- Material risk, purchasing a car or house or letting go of excesses that we may have.
- Emotional risk, dealing with unresolved issues and looking forward.
To have more awareness, ask yourself in which of these categories do you experience the most comfort in risk taking and the most resistance. Then ask yourself, what is the learning here, what does this tell you about yourself? Creating more possibilities for yourself requires you to move outside your comfort zones and new dimensions actually awaken you beyond that wall of resistance that you have set up. High risk = Low risk, Low risk = High risk. Being risk averse creates a lot of incompleteness in our lives. We tend to leave these incompletes open as well. They affect our integrity. They also affect and infect our moral value systems and our belief systems and have a large impact on our lives.
Relationship incompletes are:
- Having unresolved conflicts
- Not showing appreciation
- Withholding forgiveness
- Having importent unexpressed feelings
- Being unable to communicate expectations
- Withholding an apology
- Communicating an untruth
- Having difficulty meeting new people
- Not letting go of damaging relationships
- Not developing intimacy with a special person
- Saying, "i will love that person when......."
Integrity incompletes are:
- Not keeping an agreement
- Behaving differently when the person with whom you have an agreement is not present
- Misrepresenting a product or service
- Withholding important information
Career incompletes are:
- Settling for a dead-end job
- Not developing your talents and skills
- Ignoring educational opportunities
- Doing the minimum just to get by
Financial incompletes are:
- Having unpaid debts
- Not having a retirement plan
- Not having a savings plan
- Not having a college programme for your children
- Not paying off the mortgage
Physical incompletes are:
- Not establishing a healthy diet plan
- Not commiting to a regular diet programme
- Not quitting smoking
- Not dealing with excessive drinking
- Material incompletes could:
- That dream house
- That new car
- Sending those old clothes to goodwill
Personal incompletes are:
- Putting off that decision to have children
- Deciding to have children when you really do not want to
- Avoid setting goals or following through on action plans
- Not clarifying personal missions and values
- Saying "i will love myself when...."
Spiritual incompletes are:
- Putting off this connection some later date
- Dismissing spiritual guidance as unimportant even though an inner voice tells you to be open to it.
Take a look at these lists of incompletes and understand that incompletes have a more significant on our sense of well being than most people are willing to acknowledge.
A real transformation occurs when you shift your vision from the rear view mirror to the windshield. Incompletes have a way of diverting our attention to the rear view as we focus on what's behind us, our past history. Incompletes keep us living in the past while diminishing our present experiences as well. Break this pattern of the incompletes that have demanded so much of your time and attention! Start to move on! Understand that by taking more risks you start to open yourself to new learning and more exciting relationships with others and with new people and new learning and perhaps even nature. Not just nature all around you but the nature that is within you as well.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
My very 1st namecard and Stickers
Today i have received very 1st namecard and stickers. Finally i have felt i have an identity of myself. This is my 1st and only job that i actually wanted to do. Today i have learned from joey that he has made two claims for his friend. Finally i saw some meaning in my job. There are really people who met with accidents and need to make claims. I told myself this is the job i want to be. Even it is a small or big case. My main motto is to have as many people to get insured . You never know when u really need it. when u really need it, it will be too late.
People may think i am using this blog to promote insurance, but my actual meaning is to blog the daily events of my life. I want to write down my beliefs and vision and things that i have learned frm this society. I also hope those who have visited my blog will learn the real importance of insurance and buy frm it. I am also don;t want people to overload with insurance. I want them to be adequately covered with insurance and maintaining the same quality of life. That is my motto.
Anthoy Robbins 2nd lesson.
"Keys to lasting change"
1. Must change
2. I must change it
3. I can change it
The past is not equal to future.
All believes carry with them consequences
Believe is a feeling of certainty about what something mean
"In life, you look for what you look for, seek and you shall find"
Whenever u want to make changes. there must a leverage whereby u yourself cannot take it which will create massive amount of pain if you did not make any changes in your life. Change is never a matter of ability but is a matter of motivation.
therefore we will reach the second step. which it is to interupt the disciplinary pattern. Once u break the pattern that u r always comfortable with, you are able to build in a new habit which will result in the new change u wanted to make at first...
Lastly, we are to create an empowering alternative. We got to reinforce it and become a habit.
Haha, quite poorly wriiten though. but i am still learning. But i believed as time passed, i will write a good system what i learned from anthony robbins.
i will work hard for my exams and hope to do well this time....i believe i can do it!!! Tomorrow i will put in effort and complete my RP and Mso by tml! Richmond gogo jiayou~~!!
oh ya, most imptly of all, i must thanxs my little kawi kawi for setting up a birhtday surprise for me. I am so happie that she actually make a bbq session for me.. I was very touched and fortunate to have such a great gf like her.. I told myself i shower her with more love e next time round~~!!! Dar Dar i love u more~~~!!!!! MUACKS~~~!!!
With love from Richmond to My beloved xiao bu tian, parents, grandparents and bros and sisters
Monday, November 19, 2007
Slight improvements~!
Exams are coming soon. Next week i will be experiencing my exams. Now i am trying as hard as i could to cover as many things i can. Haha, kinda lazy and resulted in last minute studying. i am always like that, therefore i make a pact that it will not happen again for my next whole term...
Ever since i started blogging, i began to realise i am actually self reflecting my actions daily. It is a very good excercise to express your inner feelings. I felt better each time i started to blog because all my inner suppression is being let out.
Recently i am able to organise my things more properly and has established certain habits in my life. I am able to make it a point to study books and read newspapers as much as i could. Though there are some times when i am too lazy and miss out on reading but for at least i knew i did miss them and will make an effort to do it better e next time. Nobody is perfect at the 1st time, it is through lotsa trial and error before u can actually make amendments and improve from them.
wat r e improvements i have made?
i have become more aware of the things that i need to do. next, i become more efficient and more organized. I can sense that i have a control over time though soemtimes i tend to waste too much time on day dreaming..haha....
Next, my diet has also been reduced alot. Instead of ogling at lotsa oily food in the past, now i will tink twice before eating those oily food. It is like smoking, once the quitting session gets going. It will be getting easier and easier day by day. I am determined to slimmed down just like e way i quitted smoking. i believed in myself and i knew i will be able to do it. it is a battle of mi and myself.
Anthony Robbins has shared key points to unleash your power!
1. Know your outcome
2. Know why u want it
3. Take massive Action
4. Know what you are getting
5. Change your approach
he has explained it very detailed. I am trying to apply his theories into my life. i have certain outcomes embedded into my mind already and trying to understand y wld i want it. Meanwhile i am also trying to take massive actions and knowing what e outcome will be.. Lastly if everything is not wrking, i should just keep trying to change my approach till i actually achieved what i wanted to achieve.
Take for example, there was a notice board i just bought lately. At 1st, i though by buying 3m stickers. it will definitely stick on the walls but i was wrong. As a result it fell off and was not secure at all, next i tried to use bluetack. it work at 1st but eventually it did not last and it came off too.. There are certain times i wanted to give up and decided to take dwn e notice board. But thanxs to my dar dar, she told mi to put e stickers my mum use.. Indeed i went to try and amzazingly it wrks perfectly~~!! this simple little incident has taught mi that for as long as u r determined to do something. There are bound to be met with obstacles and difficulties but as long as u persist. It will eventually be solved and achieved in the way u never taught possible.
due to e time constraint, sad to say. i got to go..... But anyway, i love my cute little brenda, granny, mum, dad and grandpa and my bros and sis. With love, believe in yourself~!!
Ever since i started blogging, i began to realise i am actually self reflecting my actions daily. It is a very good excercise to express your inner feelings. I felt better each time i started to blog because all my inner suppression is being let out.
Recently i am able to organise my things more properly and has established certain habits in my life. I am able to make it a point to study books and read newspapers as much as i could. Though there are some times when i am too lazy and miss out on reading but for at least i knew i did miss them and will make an effort to do it better e next time. Nobody is perfect at the 1st time, it is through lotsa trial and error before u can actually make amendments and improve from them.
wat r e improvements i have made?
i have become more aware of the things that i need to do. next, i become more efficient and more organized. I can sense that i have a control over time though soemtimes i tend to waste too much time on day dreaming..haha....
Next, my diet has also been reduced alot. Instead of ogling at lotsa oily food in the past, now i will tink twice before eating those oily food. It is like smoking, once the quitting session gets going. It will be getting easier and easier day by day. I am determined to slimmed down just like e way i quitted smoking. i believed in myself and i knew i will be able to do it. it is a battle of mi and myself.
Anthony Robbins has shared key points to unleash your power!
1. Know your outcome
2. Know why u want it
3. Take massive Action
4. Know what you are getting
5. Change your approach
he has explained it very detailed. I am trying to apply his theories into my life. i have certain outcomes embedded into my mind already and trying to understand y wld i want it. Meanwhile i am also trying to take massive actions and knowing what e outcome will be.. Lastly if everything is not wrking, i should just keep trying to change my approach till i actually achieved what i wanted to achieve.
Take for example, there was a notice board i just bought lately. At 1st, i though by buying 3m stickers. it will definitely stick on the walls but i was wrong. As a result it fell off and was not secure at all, next i tried to use bluetack. it work at 1st but eventually it did not last and it came off too.. There are certain times i wanted to give up and decided to take dwn e notice board. But thanxs to my dar dar, she told mi to put e stickers my mum use.. Indeed i went to try and amzazingly it wrks perfectly~~!! this simple little incident has taught mi that for as long as u r determined to do something. There are bound to be met with obstacles and difficulties but as long as u persist. It will eventually be solved and achieved in the way u never taught possible.
due to e time constraint, sad to say. i got to go..... But anyway, i love my cute little brenda, granny, mum, dad and grandpa and my bros and sis. With love, believe in yourself~!!
Friday, November 9, 2007
One of the saddest day in my life. Still e same
Richmond ar Richmond ar. After some self-reflection. I realised i am really damn ill-discipline. Always fail to get things done correctly, everything always seems so disorganised and always do things at the very last minute which always resulted in things been done half fucked and lousy.
i am someone who can never get things done on the approriate time which resulted in alot of things being screwed up.
This time rd, i can sense joey is very disappointed with my performance. I am really very sorry abt it and i certainly hope joey would understand. Recently i got too many things at hand, and for the moment i did not know how to handle so many things at one time. Frankly speaking i am feeling very stressed. I kinda lose my direction and goals. I wanted to be organised and done everything chop chop, but y is this happening to me?
I am feeling very sick today, but at the same time i was feeling very depressed and sad. This is because i felt that i had wasted so much time. i wanted to slimmed down but i failed, my darling though didn't mind, she really wanted to see mi lose weight. i was very sad that i fail to accomplish such a little little thing as well. Andy, within 2 weeks had already lost 3 kg and i am very impressed and at e same time very disappointed with myself.
i have everything yet i always to fail to get the optimum results, never in my life did i got number one. i got very supportive family. Esp my dad, mum, granny and even grandfather. And the most impt of all, i had a wonderful gf who has been at my side supporting me and encouraging me. never fail to make mi smile and always did her best as a gf. But....
This time round, i did badly for my exams, Scoring an average of 55 marks for term 1 and term 2. i am super overweight with a weight of 93 kg!!! i am very poor and has bascially no savings. Practically i am living everyday as it is. My sales are ppor and i was putting half hearted effort in insurance. Am i giving myself too much preesure abt self-achievements or am i being too lazy and can't be bothered abt life? i really dunnoe.
This time round, i am not defeated by anyone but myself. If i can't obvercome this problem. I will stuck like this for e rest of my life. I need to make and implement changes. what should i do?
Issit a test from god? issit becoz i am just plain fuck lazy and too relac one corner.
for this moment, i i really did know wat am i gonna type . Everything just rush thru my mind. Blabbering wat is going on inside my mind. I had lotsa knowledge but never once applied them. I always tok and no action. Why is this happening? I dun wan it to be like tat. I want to be somebody. Somebody weaby i can support my family and beloved brenda.
Haha, hais......omg~~!! wat is life? is life a box of chocolates? a bed of roses? game? mystery?
wat am i gonna do in order to have significant changes in my life?....
i guess i gotta plan because i never ever plan for anything. i decided to rewrite everything this round. replan my goals and dreams. this time round, i got to be practical abt my dreams and goals, it is time to show my darling some results. everything seems so far aways becoz i never care.
i decided to rewrite my organsier this time round. i will allocate my time properly and do e things stated in my timetable. I believed for so as long i followed my timetable, i am able to reap some results. For the moment, i shall plan till the end of year.
With new plans, new goals and new priorities, i can achieve what i want.
Wish me luck god~~! i love brenda, family and friends...
i am someone who can never get things done on the approriate time which resulted in alot of things being screwed up.
This time rd, i can sense joey is very disappointed with my performance. I am really very sorry abt it and i certainly hope joey would understand. Recently i got too many things at hand, and for the moment i did not know how to handle so many things at one time. Frankly speaking i am feeling very stressed. I kinda lose my direction and goals. I wanted to be organised and done everything chop chop, but y is this happening to me?
I am feeling very sick today, but at the same time i was feeling very depressed and sad. This is because i felt that i had wasted so much time. i wanted to slimmed down but i failed, my darling though didn't mind, she really wanted to see mi lose weight. i was very sad that i fail to accomplish such a little little thing as well. Andy, within 2 weeks had already lost 3 kg and i am very impressed and at e same time very disappointed with myself.
i have everything yet i always to fail to get the optimum results, never in my life did i got number one. i got very supportive family. Esp my dad, mum, granny and even grandfather. And the most impt of all, i had a wonderful gf who has been at my side supporting me and encouraging me. never fail to make mi smile and always did her best as a gf. But....
This time round, i did badly for my exams, Scoring an average of 55 marks for term 1 and term 2. i am super overweight with a weight of 93 kg!!! i am very poor and has bascially no savings. Practically i am living everyday as it is. My sales are ppor and i was putting half hearted effort in insurance. Am i giving myself too much preesure abt self-achievements or am i being too lazy and can't be bothered abt life? i really dunnoe.
This time round, i am not defeated by anyone but myself. If i can't obvercome this problem. I will stuck like this for e rest of my life. I need to make and implement changes. what should i do?
Issit a test from god? issit becoz i am just plain fuck lazy and too relac one corner.
for this moment, i i really did know wat am i gonna type . Everything just rush thru my mind. Blabbering wat is going on inside my mind. I had lotsa knowledge but never once applied them. I always tok and no action. Why is this happening? I dun wan it to be like tat. I want to be somebody. Somebody weaby i can support my family and beloved brenda.
Haha, hais......omg~~!! wat is life? is life a box of chocolates? a bed of roses? game? mystery?
wat am i gonna do in order to have significant changes in my life?....
i guess i gotta plan because i never ever plan for anything. i decided to rewrite everything this round. replan my goals and dreams. this time round, i got to be practical abt my dreams and goals, it is time to show my darling some results. everything seems so far aways becoz i never care.
i decided to rewrite my organsier this time round. i will allocate my time properly and do e things stated in my timetable. I believed for so as long i followed my timetable, i am able to reap some results. For the moment, i shall plan till the end of year.
With new plans, new goals and new priorities, i can achieve what i want.
Wish me luck god~~! i love brenda, family and friends...
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